He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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