man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
