"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ttyl tear gas
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
