If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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