does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
