I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
