now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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