Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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