It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I lost the right to judge tonight
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
