I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
