ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize