My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
