His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
