I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
