My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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