sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
