my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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