so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize