Sry I called you an 8
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He has the fingertips of a God
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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