You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
