Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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