I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
