Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You can't motorboat a personality
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
