she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
