OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
