I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
