What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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