Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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