I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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