Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
