Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am naked and annoyed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
