next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is wine microwaveable?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
