meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
