i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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