Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
