I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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