The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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