No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
