Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
