You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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