Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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