he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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