Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
