I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
