you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
