I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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