my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
