so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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