I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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