I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
