hotel room ftw
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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