So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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