fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need moral support for this bender
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
