She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
