Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
