I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
