Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
