Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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