It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
