I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
