I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize