Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
