I didn't shave. On purpose
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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