I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
