In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm at about main and main street
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
