I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize