All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
