i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
