I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
