Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i have two assholes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
