the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
