Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
